Sunday, May 18, 2008

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Marriage is (almost) legal in California between gay, bisexual, and lesbian people as well as for transgender folks who are marrying their “opposite” sex and haven’t - or don’t wish to - change their legal sex.

But, as a blogger on the RaceWire points out, this isn’t necessarily a win. Ever since reading the “Is Gay Marriage Anti-Black” essay by Kenyon Farrow and Mattilda’s excellent interview in bitch magazine I have been fascinated by the way that LGBT organizers prioritize and debate the question of marriage. Across the nation LGBT groups are placing marriage as the ultimate and final legal grounds for “equality”. But I see this prioritization as a fall-back and an avoidance of the true issues LGBT people are facing. Moreover, as someone who actively identifies as queer, I see the prioritization of marriage as a denial of our responsibility to other struggles for justice. One of my close friends, a white bisexual woman, continues to ask me if my anger about the focus on gay marriage isn’t in itself denying the importance of gay marriage for communities of color. She has suggested that the legal protections and financial difference that marriage makes for LGBT people of color is significant and important.

So I want to clarify that my position isn’t anti-marriage. My position is that we have other more important concerns. What about caring for our queer youth – especially our queer homeless youth? What about the consistent murders of transgender people – especially transpeople of color – who are never respectfully mourned? What about dealing with the whiteness of our LGBT non-profits, a whiteness that often chases away the employees of color? We have a lot of work to do in addition to gaining marriage equality, and I despise the emphasis placed on it, as if once gay men, lesbian women, and bisexual folks can marry all concerns about the whiteness, the classism, the ableism, and the body stereotyping of our community will just go away. I have to also admit that the idea of marriage leaves a sour taste in my life. Having had the opportunity to study and discuss the institution I balk at the idea that it is desirable.

Clearly the use of marriage discrimination as a means of allowing white people to tear the families of Black people apart isn’t comparable to the anti-gay marriage rhetoric that is used to tear LGBT families apart or even the anti-miscegenation laws used to keep Black and Brown folk from marrying white folk. (I have yet to read a Black LGBT publication that acknowledges this history.) The use of property law to control the lives, money, and welfare of married women isn’t even the same sexism issue as the anti-gay marriage laws. However, all of these laws focus on the (mis)use of power and the use of marriage as a means to deny citizenship and humanity. And what about the marriage license taxes that keep low-income and poor folks as well as those on welfare from marriage? Without the right to marry families of people of color were not recognized. With the right to marry (white) women continually lost all of their money and property to the will of their husbands. Under anti-miscegenation laws white supremacy was legally recognized as the intermarriage of people of color to white people was the only concern of miscegenation law.*

Which makes me wonder, why the hell to gay, lesbian, and bisexual folks want marriage? Can’t we see what a fucked up institution it is? Can’t we see how it has always been used to suppress people of color, working class families, and women? Don’t we realize that marriage upholds values of white supremacy, capitalism, and sexism?

On our anniversary my partner and I drove to Provincetown to spend the weekend in a really super-gay capitalistic way. All of that aside, it was a very odd feeling to know that she and I could legally marry each other there and then, upon returning to NYC, have that marriage recognized (I’m legally male in NYC, but female according to federal law). I’ll admit that it was a tempting feeling, to have our love and commitment recognized as equal to that of so many other heterosexual couples. So I understand the joy of couples in California who finally see that their love and commitment will be seen as important and that they can access hospitals and their children’s schools and that their wills will not be as contended - among many other things.

Even as I admit how tempting it would be to go about my life in a “normative” way, I also know that by definition our lives will never be normative. We will have to contend with transphobia, racism, and sexism for the rest of our lives. I will have to explain double gynecologist bills to insurance companies and why I don’t need a prostate exam. She will have to contend with the racism of the art world, and we will both have to explain to friends and colleagues how we can’t afford to join them for $15 drinks. None of this is explicitly because we are queer, but it is connected to being queer. Even if she and I were legally married we would still face seemingly insurmountable discrimination that is already the concern of economic justice movements, anti-racism movements, and feminist movements.

Rather than focus on marriage as a cure for our oppression we should realize that the things LGBT folks wish to achieve through marriage are issues for everyone, not just LGBT folks. It shouldn’t matter if only legal and blood relatives can have a hospital visitation – the patient and not the state should decide hospital visitation rights. Who wants an abusive spouse or parent visiting an abused patient? Our immigration laws are ridiculously convoluted and xenophobic. Being married shouldn’t be what keeps a person in the U.S.; we should have an overhaul of the system that values the contributions of immigrants to our economy and our culture.

I am happy to see that couples that wish to get married can begin to do so (hopefully) in California, but I also hope this means the beginning of a re-commitment to the values that gay liberation came from. I hope to see a commitment to all forms of oppression and multiple identities within and outside of our community. I hope to see a movement that returns to listening to women, youth, people of color, and the elderly. A return to a movement that values sexuality and sexual expression and the all the various communities and histories that we, as individuals and a movement, belong to. Here’s to hope!

*Clink on that link, it is so tight. Chief Justice Warren actually claims white supremacy as the underlying value in miscegenation laws. I don’t know if there are any other court rulings where the institutionalization of white supremacy is clearly called out.

40 comments:

magentaraves said...

You're right, but it's ALL a part of the struggle to move forward.

Mik Danger said...

Perhaps. I just hope we know who we are and what our values are as we move forward. Thanks for reading and commenting!

cripchick said...

agree, 100000 percent.

shiva said...

Thank you for writing this. This is awesome, and just what i've been wanting to write for ages.

(BTW, i don't know how i've missed your blog for so long - you are now going on my blogroll...)

Rachel McKinney said...

Great post!

Have you read Cheshire Calhoun's Feminism, the Family and the Politics of the Closet? The book is something of a defense of the value of marriage and adoption rights for lesbian and gay couples.

Her argument is that lesbian and gay subordination occurs through the displacement of lesbian and gay identities as publically available (e.g., having to stay closeted in order to keep one's job) as well as privately available (e.g., the inability to adopt children or marry). Basically: things are structured such that one can't be safe and recognizably queer out in the world, and one can't be safe and recognized as queer at home. Gays and lesbiansdon't have a "place" in civil society, but rather are systematically DIS-placed. So she sees queer politics as largely aiming at a project of humanizing queer subjects -- this means that the creation of safe, recognized family spaces is particularly valuable. She doesn't argue that such a thing ought to be prioritized above all other goals of queer politics, but she does seem to think that it's something of a non-negotiable for the general project.

Anyway, it's something that you might look at for an argument for the value of queer marriage that's not obviously motivated solely by capitalist, sexist, racist, ablist or (worse?) pragmatic interests.

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