Thursday, April 24, 2008

Menstruating in the Men's Room

This week I am experiencing yet another aspect of transitioning that may confound a binary mind. I am menstruating in the men’s room. If it was up to me I would never menstruate - I think more than a few women who menstruate would agree with me on that one - but on occasion it happens. While there is no disruption in my perceived gender identity while menstruating I know that the presence of bloody pads in the men’s room garbage boggles more than a few minds. Indeed each time I have to change my pad at work or in a public restroom I am confused.

Where the hell is the discrete little box on the inside of the stall?

Every time I change my pad I forget that I will have to leave the stall still holding it. True, I could fight for transgender visibility and proudly march out of the men’s bathroom with my red flag* held high, but instead I always get incredibly embarrassed and wrap my old pad in as many layers of toilet paper as I can. A few months ago I bumped into a co-worker on the way to dispose of my pad. By the quick aversion of his eyes and his awkward smile I think he knew what I held in my hand, luckily he is incredibly trans-friendly and managed to get us both out of the bathroom in a graceful way.

Despite that incident I still am nervous about changing pads in the company of other men. Add menstruating in the men’s room to the long list of things men supposedly don’t do. Judging by the recent controversy over pregnant transmen the list of male-approved activities is incredibly short. All of this makes me glad my sense of male identity is in no way tied to ideas of patriarchal masculinity or else I’d be in real trouble.

*Twice I got in trouble at college for using Judy Chicago’s image on posters. The first time I was appalled at the way people reacted to a monthly activity for over half the planet, the second time I did it because I knew it made the administration upset.

132 comments:

Dylan said...

Menstruating in the men's room. I like that. It'd make a great title for a book on trans issues!

You are braver than most, I think. If I was menstruating in the men's room, I would totally flush the thing and just hope for the best.

Mik Danger said...

Ha-ha! Thank you, sometimes being brave feels a bit like being stupid. I liked the alliteration as well.

Radicalyffe said...

I am on T, so I don't menstruate, but there is a lingering smell of menstrual blood in the mens room where I work every few weeks. I always freak out that its me, and check my underpants, but its not me.

I have no idea who it is, but I think there's another tboy around here some place.

So you know, maybe there's another deep stealth trans man at your work that takes comfort from seeing the used pads in the bin. :)

Anonymous said...

"All of this makes me glad my sense of male identity is in no way tied to ideas of patriarchal masculinity or else I’d be in real trouble."

Methinks the lady doth protest too much. Wait, you're a lady? Right? Had to read between the lines there. So thank God for being a woman, right? None of those confused patriarchal ideas for your supremely unclouded mind! See ya lady - I mean, later! (Ha! Now you've got *me* doing it!)

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I gave birth 1.5mths ago and stopped breastfeeding for half a month so when should I start menstruating

Aria said...

i love this post!

i'm currently workin' on some activist techniques to open up the conversation around menstruation and am really interested in hearing the thought/experiences of those who do not fall into female gender norms. of what little menstruation-oriented info/blogs/zines there are out there, little of it addresses transmen, intersex ppl, women in wheelchairs, etc...

if anyone is interested in contributing, let me know

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